How About a New Legacy?

My daughters are getting older.  Grace, who will be four in a few days, has become the epitome of her name overnight, it seems.  She seems to have inherited all of her parents' best genetic traits... and there is something inherently wrong with that thinking.  It must change before I continue that same lie for another generation.

Belief: there is not one damn thing wrong, aside from genetic material that would harm, with me - with anyone.  Not one.  Each gene carries in it, personified beauty and strength. 
Action (the untruth brought into action): I fear my daughter will inherit my butt, my thick waist, my back, my thick arms, my jaw, my tendency to gain weight, my insane cravings, etc. (And dear God, if anyone writes to me to make me feel better about myself, I'll scream... it's not the point.  I am fine!)

What she learns: Mommy's butt/waist/back/jaw/arms/metabolism/etc. is flawed and undesirable and if I (she) inherits those things, I (she) will also be flawed and undesirable.  And the lie is continued. 

As you all know, I am on the treacherous quest to loving myself - truly loving myself - not despite of (that is in fact giving in to the same crap - that same idea that there is some standard to which we are not measuring), but in inclusion of.  My dear, dear roommate and friend, Natalie and I were having a candid conversation - we had many, many those days.  I think we were actually discussing body image and of course, I had to mention the butt thing, because I just can't miss the opportunity to rip on it.  You know what she told me?  She said, “I think it's beautiful - it's shaped like a heart."  It was the first time I heard my tushy tush described against a clean slate of beauty - no judgment, uncompared, loving.  I just went, "hum" on the inside and walked away with the desire to keep walking there.  Natalie, by the way, is someone who has the ability to love everyone and everything unconditionally and passionately.  She has the grandest and most open soul and she spreads it everywhere.  She lives in abundance.  Her love makes you feel phenomenal and beautiful without once thinking of your appearance, for thinking of your appearance would degrade your true beauty.  What a way to be.  What a way to be. 

And this, my friends, is the legacy I wish to lavish on my little girls.  -That a mere hesitance on the state of their outer beauty would be a disservice to their true beauty.  I want to teach them to look through to themselves and to others.  I've no doubt they will find beauty all around them, in all forms, shapes, colors, sizes, practices - no standards, no judgments - just honest recognition of the God within.  How radiant and perfect!


So, the question comes up:  make up, taking care of your body, blah, blah, blah. 
Make-up: I think make up indulges the myth that a person needs help to be beautiful.  It goes against all that stuff I wrote up above. But we do live in a society that does have standards we are somewhat obliged to abide by.  I think if I instill all that other stuff in them, they will not feel they have to rely on it to feel beautiful.  That, thank God, is truly broken out of me.  The Month with a Mirror did that for me.
Taking Care of Your Body: This means respecting this amazing body we have been given.  It means I have the honor of teaching my children to care for it by feeding it nourishing and nutritious foods that don't cause cravings and blood sugar spikes.  I teach better choices.  I teach physical activity.  I teach laughter.  I teach prayer and meditation.  These things - this basic love and respect is what is missing in a person whose body is off course, and these things are what will set them on cause again. The motivation is being healthy and vibrant.  All else will follow. 

This plan is the only plan that can be applied to all human beings with the same result: that you are beautiful, not despite or in spite, but inclusive of every cell in your body.  This is what you tell humanity.  This is what you tell your Down syndrome children, your healthy children, those with congenital malformations (which are really just so because they are measured against a standard, unless it hinders development).  The list goes on.  The challenge, I dare say, to believe and take action on it is equal whether you have the developmentally challenged child or the healthy child, in that they both struggle to learn the truth about beauty and will be dramatically changed forever by what they find.  Let's help them find the truth by helping ourselves live the truth in front of them.  It could be the new epidemic!  Who's with me?

I truly hope you readers will begin to participate in this dialogue.  I am not writing for sympathy of commits about me.  I am writing in hopes to start a candid and honest dialogue about issues we are afraid to talk about.  I want to know how anything makes you feel or think, whether remorseful, angry, opposing, sad, excited, etc.  Please comment.  Let's talk about this world we're living in and raising our children in.  It's ours, and despite popular belief, we can shape it.  I am also open to suggestions of new topics. 

Gratitude

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meaness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whomever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Jalal Al-Din Rumi

Well folks, honestly, I am still not sure I have much to say. But here I am, finally willing to put fingers to keys.  And yes, that is the reason I have not been back for a while.  I have had nothing to say, out of shear overwhelm and speechlessness.  Suffice to say what needn't be said.   

Details aren't important.  Really, they never are.  It's how we respond to them that matters.  So, what I will divulge is I found myself in my pastor's office, telling him everything, crying, and asking why.  Why do things like this happen to good people?  Why is this happening to me when I did nothing wrong; when I go out of my way to try to do good?  Guess what?  He didn't have an answer.  See, I was raised in a tradition that believes that you earn your keep (basically).  Good = good things.  Bad = bad things.  Here I am, a thinking, progressive individual, buying into the idea that I must have done something wrong to cause such destruction in my life.  Why hasn't my goodness been good enough?  Ah, the guilt! So, my pastor just smiled and said he didn't know.  And neither do I. 

One thing I have not been feeling lately is gratitude.  When circumstances have your face in the mud, it is difficult to be grateful for the beneficial microbes in the mud or the free mask you are getting.  I don't think being grateful means you have to pretend you are enjoying the agony.  I think you have to just keep your head down and keep going through the agony.  The gratitude is for the mere fact that you are alive (the least common denominator, yet the most valuable).  That one thing means you have the limitless opportunity to see beauty - the choice to see beauty.  And beauty is bliss, isn't it?  Knowing that we, at any given moment, can look one direction and see bliss and the other direction and see agony, why do we ever take a second look at agony?  I can tell you why I have been staring down agony:  I’ve just wanted to be able to hurt and fall apart and scream out, ask why, and maybe even call out for help.  I’ve wanted to be weak.  And I’ve wanted to, well, complain.  And you know, that is ok.  I do believe I needed to allow myself to look up and say, "Holy crap, this sucks so bad."  I am still saying some of that.  But, now for the beauty:  I turn my head the other direction, and I see potential - potential for all of us, the entire world, humanity, to rise up and “be.”  To me, it makes sense that if there is something to be, that thing to be is love.  It's exciting to know that love is a renewable resource! Love is the present form of life.  It's our essence; life's essence.  And you know, there is no agony in the present - in love.  Agony is a response to something that happened in the past.  Love is the only option for those who choose to be in the present.  Tonight, as I sit and reflect on what I have written, I realize that I am having "present" moments - moments when I am only here, now, nothing more or less.  And I have found my gratitude.