I find myself wondering how many things I have running around in my psyche that found roots one day when I believed something someone I trusted said about me or another person or the world. Of course, there are the obvious ones; the ones we usually remember with great pain and no doubt regurgitate in front of people we pay to fix us. I have many, as we all do, and could easily list them. We also sometimes wear them like medals of honor (or dishonor). These things become our story - those things which define us, which we use to tell people who we are. I am reminded of an amazing book: "Journey to Ixtlan: The Lessons of Don Juan" by Carlos Castaneda. It made a huge impression on me, but I really didn't know it the first time I read it - probably because I wasn't ready for it. I've read it several times now, and little by little, I walk away with a bit more. A question is posed in the book: who would you be if you had no past and no future; if you were merely in the present? I remember the first time I really asked myself that question. I felt incredibly vulnerable, defensive, and clueless. I now realize that so much of who I was, was defense. It was my excuse for all the failure I was surely going to produce. "This is why I will not measure up, in case you were wondering." I could create a perfect, little cushy place for me to land, if ever I should fall. Interesting. I see the mirror as just another facet of that same concept. Our appearance is another preemptive definition of ourselves, as if to distract ourselves and those we encounter from who we truly are and could be. It gives us something tangible to control. "I can look fabulous and they will all think I am fabulous and then I don't really have look inside to face the truth" - either we ARE what we have always believed and thus, we can go ahead and sink the nails into that coffin, or we are NOT and now we have to face the pressure of upholding all of that greatness that is within us! It's like my little girl says to me when she successfully goes potty: "Mommy, don't be proud of me! Don't say good job!" I was stunned when she said that for the first time. I couldn't believe she, at 3, was feeling the pressure of continually needing to succeed. Well, I was also saddened to know that she read my enthusiasm as pressure to perform. (note to self, right?) I am coming to believe that developing a self sustaining core is simple. There is no performance. There is no standard. There is nothing but honesty and courage, and with those things in their purest form and lowest common denominator, we can take action, which brings all of that beauty to the surface. So, one last thing comes to mind. Honesty in its lowest common denominator is unfiltered. Someone who speaks something hateful may be saying something he honestly believes, but it is filtered through layer upon layer of lies. I suspect pure honesty can only be love. I'm going to take that and sleep on it. Let me know your thoughts.